I Ain't Afraid of No Ninja!

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Ninja Busters is everything you could ever want in a single movie. It’s got action, goofiness, affable characters, stupidity, awful jokes, motorcycle gangs, Mexican dance clubs, breakdancing, and a biker who throw his own underwear at one of our heroes.

Made in 1984 but never released due to some kind of legal haranguing, a 35mm print was recently found and cleaned up and released by Garagehouse Pictures. Everyone thought no copies existed and the movie had faded into legend, seeing as it was never once screened anywhere before it disappeared. But now it’s back from the grave and ready to entertain the holy hell out of you.

The Gang is all Here!

Chic and Bernie are two dudes who work together at a warehouse job. Goofballs but totally loveable, they decide to pry into some mysterious crates only to find that their boss is a gangster and is shipping all sorts of illicit things from around the world, things like guns and diamonds and drugs. They get caught by their boss and subsequently get their asses handed to them. Commiserating later at a pizza joint, they run afoul of two bikers, one of which throws his torn underwear into Chic’s face, and they get beat up again. Agreeing that they are lousy fighters, they spy a dojo on their way home and see a ton of hot women inside. Thinking this is a perfect way to pick up chicks, they enroll, not taking it seriously, just constantly hitting on the women. Eventually, they wise up and start training. Three years pass and they become masters of Kung-Fu (I am not making this shit up) and find love. It is then they stumble upon their old boss making an illegal gun deal with nascent Black Panthers, a deal that goes sour when the boss’ army of ninjas shows up to deal what they really came there for: death! Chic and Bernie fight and flee, pursued by the ninjas. And before it is all over, they conquer the bad guys and win the day.

Babes and Breakdancing!

This is one of the funniest, stupidest, and most endearing flicks I’ve ever seen. Think Big Trouble in Little China only on steroids and with far, far less money. The central piece here is the friendship of Bernie and Chic, who look like an aged Bruce Lee and a taller Jim Varney. Their dialogue and friendship easily make the movie. They’re just two total idiots who stumble onto their path life, a path that leads them into brawls with ninjas. Literally the last thirty minutes is one fight after another, and in the course of this action, which roams from a junkyard into their dojo into a Mexican nightclub into an aerobics class and finally back to the bad guy’s lair, the battles are non-stop. You get Chinese fighting alongside Japanese alongside Mexicans and a Hell’s Angel-style motorcycle gang. This is the most inclusive film I’ve maybe ever seen. One character, a Mexican bouncer, gets his arm broken in a fight, runs off to the hospital to get a cast, and returns for the final Big Brawl, one-arming ninjas left and right. The acting is pretty bad but my God how much fun is it? They all bring the utmost sincerity to the proceedings and this heart, this big, beating heart, goes on for miles and miles. I dare you not to fall in love with this film.

So 80's!

So there it is: Ninja Busters. Great fun, great comedy, insane ideas, and a gorgeous, giant, beating heart. This is almost guaranteed to be a good time, so go get yourself a copy, invite some friends over, pop that popcorn, and sit back and enjoy!

Four Stars out of Four