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  • Writer's pictureKelly M. Hudson

My, What Big Teeth You Have!


A group of environmentalists travel to a faraway tropical delta because they suspect something fishy is going on there. In the swamp, they find an area where someone is illegally dumping toxic waste (literally, barrels with the radiation warning label on them, lids off!). When they go to investigate further, they find there’s a giant killer crocodile roaming the area, preying on the locals. They want to capture it, to contain it, because they are non-violent and care about nature. That resolve is quickly put to the test as one of their own gets mauled and eaten by the croc. Now they have vowed vengeance, and they join with an irascible old man who lives in the swamp to hunt down the creature and kill it for good.

This is the very definition of crazy Italian movies. They took the template of Jaws, scabbed the score (you can hear it in there, whenever the crocodile is about to attack, a very slight variation of the Jaws theme), upped the blood, threw in a giant fake crocodile, and increased the machismo by tenfold. In Jaws, the menfolk go out to kill the shark and in this one, much the same happens. You have the grizzled old man, a veteran of slaughtering things in the swamp, the effete photographer, and the conflicted, soon-to-be tough guy. Like I said, basically, it’s just Jaws, on steroids and filtered through a comic book written by a twelve-year-old boy. Some of the kill scenes are great, particularly the one at a dock, where a young girl is barely hanging on for life as the croc comes for her. Those that try to save her end up as snacks in the most delightful way. The fake crocodile at times looks about as phony as a monster from 50s sci-fi movies, and other times actually looks pretty cool. It all depends on the camera angle, to be honest.

Killer Crocodile isn’t a movie for everyone. It takes a special breed to enjoy a schlockfest like this. Full of cringy dialogue and characters doing things that make no sense (like, seriously, just leave the swamp and call in a team of professionals to deal with the creature), you’ll find yourself pulling out your hair one minute, laughing the next, and recoiling with disgust just seconds later. Now that’s a movie-going experience! This film delivers what it promises, which is sweaty men, helpless females, blood, a giant killer crocodile, explosions, and an ecological message. What more could you ask for?

★★✮☆

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