I’m in the weeds with this one. God help me.
Apparently, there’s been some sort of grand Vampire Apocalypse, led by a great vampire known as Bathor. That or we’re in some alternate reality here. It’s never really made clear, and after a lot of speechifying, we should know. So vague setting aside, we’re dealing with a world where vampire men all have a weird skin disease and they’re turning all fundamentalist, screaming about “the blood is the life” and carrying on the ways of Bathor, a god to them. All their anger and discontent is aimed at women vampires. They’re laying all their woes at the feet of the females, so they take these tiny crossbow guns that look like they’d shatter if gripped too hard, and start assassinating every female they can find. For the most part, the women sort of accept their place in this world, until some rough and tumble ladies show up and start killing the men. They rally the troops and fight back and win the day. And that’s sort of it. There’s other stuff about a long-lost lesbian lover couple and some power dynamics between the two badass femmes leading the revolt, but that’s about all.
I will say this: the budget was low and it shows, but the directors worked their asses off to really class it up. Some shots look straight out of a Rollin film, all dreamy and surreal, and the castle locations they use are simply terrific. The acting is decent, the action a bit wooden, and the nudity is off the charts. This flick spits out dong and boobs in equal measure, not afraid to get naked at the drop of a hat. So kudos to that. Also, kudos to the dick getting cut off and nailed to a tree with an arrow. Nice touch. I guess we could get into the whole female vs. male dynamics, toxic masculinity vs. feminism, but it’s pretty apparent as it’s an intrinsic part of the plot and to be honest, it’s just glaze on a big fat donut. There’s plenty to like about this movie, but ultimately it never really came together for me. I liked it just fine, but not fine enough to recommend. There were too many long passages of characters talking about nothing, and while this is part and parcel of the tribute this film seems to be paying to Jean Rollin, I found it to be a bit tedious at time. They’re hearts were in the right place, though.
If you’re into movies that are a throwback to the old direct-to-video market, you’ll like this one. Like I said, there’s a lot to admire about it, especially the Rollin-esque qualities, and the copious amounts of nudity (especially in this day and age, when most movies seem scared shitless of showing more than an ass or two). So buyer beware. If this is your thing, dig in, otherwise it’s just a curio. Blood of the Tribades knows its audience, and caters accordingly.
Two and a half Stars out of Four