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  • Writer's pictureKelly M. Hudson

You Done it this Time, Danzig!


In this dank, dark chronicle of horror, a woman slips from the mists to deliver three tales of tumultuous terror. Her name is Morella (Kayden Kross), your host for the evening, and she has such delights to show us. Her first tale is called “The Albino Spider of Dajette,” a sweet and wholesome tale of a woman with eyeballs for nipples, who cries a single tear from one of her eye-nips that splashes on an albino spider that proceeds to grow into a multi-armed demon-man. This creature preys upon the unsuspecting, using our titular heroine’s living consciousness as fuel. Tale number two is entitled “Change of Face” and involves a Mystery Girl stripper, who has no face of her own, but stalks and kills pretty girls to take their faces and use them for a time. When the face is no longer useful, she hangs it on her wall as part of her growing collection. A hard-bitten cop pursues her. Will she be captured, or continue her bizarre rampage? Story number three is “Drukija Countess of Blood” and is basically a retelling of Countess Bathory, or the legends about her, at least. This French Countess rounds up female virgins and bathes in their blood to stay young forever. Three dark tales, three dark endings. This is the world of Verotika!

Glen Danzig wrote, produced, and directed this odd little film, all based on a series of comics his company produced. I have to be honest with you here, I am a big Danzig fan, love the Misfits, and Glen can do no wrong in my eyes (for the most part), so when I review this film, keep that in mind. It isn’t very good. Shot like a porno in the late 90s, the acting is on that level, as are the FX and the visuals. There’s lots of empty backgrounds and neon lighting. And lots and lots of naked tits. Nothing wrong with any of this, mind you, but if you’re trying to make a movie to be taken seriously, a horror film that is actually scary, most of these elements are going to work against you. The first story is laudable because it’s just flat-out weird. But beyond that, the pacing is flat (a sin of the first two stories in this anthology) and the fake French accents (um, why is half of this movie dealing with fake French accents?) don’t help at all. Yes, pretty girls abound, but they’re not enough to rescue this limp entry. The second story involving the girl without a face is wholly unoriginal but has some good, bloody moments in it. Still, come on. When a killer approaches a person and tells them they “Want their face!” the victim will almost never pause and touch their own face and say “My face? No!” Long scenes of girls dancing to modern pop metal songs while stripping did not help the case, although the one with the protagonist dancing to a Danzig song was good. Anyway, boring and went nowhere. But the third story was something else entirely. All costume-drama and period piece, this one actually worked for me. Maybe I was feeling too sympathetic, but I think Danzig was aiming for some Jean Rollin here and while he doesn’t nail it, he gets close enough. Surreal and lyrical, this one drifts along like a bloody, feverish erotic dream. I think that’s what Danzig wanted from his film as a whole and failed to get, except with this one, he arrived. It doesn’t save the movie as a whole, but man, it was pretty interesting.

What to do with this one? I can’t really recommend it, unless you’re a fan of Danzig. If you like bad movies, you’ll find a full-course meal here to chew on. But don’t be too harsh. There’s good stuff in here, buried though it may be. A good editor could have fixed a lot of the problems in this film. All that said, I’ll watch whatever else Danzig makes because I’m a fan, even if his first film isn’t very good.

★★☆☆




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